Making the Cut

No blog on interfaith families would be complete without at least one entry on circumcision. I know, I know...not exactly a pleasant topic, but Joy Press has a great interview with Danae Elon on Salon.com today about Elon's new documentary "Partly Private." This new film uses the director's (Elon's) pregnancy to explore the tradition of circumcision and contains stories of those for and against the practice. It's quite interesting. I have given the subject some thought and been to my fair share of brises, but I must say that I feel fortunate to have been spared the decision because I do not have a son. Though, if we did have a son, I'm not sure it would have been much of a decision. My husband would have been calling in the mohels in advance--no doubt about it!

Spaghetti with Matzo Balls

LP always manages to find a way to insert Judaism into a discussion with my parents. She stays with them once a week and inevitably my mom has a story for me. I try to tell my parents that we are not indoctrinating her with Judaism--I have no idea how/where she comes up with this stuff, but it's not from me! I don't think they believe me. Exhibit A:

She's eating spaghetti with my parents and acting like she knows how to twirl it around her fork. LP: This is how Jewish people eat spaghetti.
My Dad: Really? I know a lot of people who aren't Jewish and eat spaghetti that way.
LP: I'm Jewish.
My Dad: I'm not Jewish and I eat spaghetti that way.
LP: That's how all Jewish people eat spaghetti.
My Dad: Are you sure? ALL Jewish people eat spaghetti like that?
LP: That's how Jewish people eat spaghetti.

And so on...you get the idea. I don't know why she fixates on it around my parents. When she's at home, she talks about being "half and half" or "Jewish and Christian" and is especially keen on the Christian part when a holiday comes around that Jews don't celebrate. Like Easter, she couldn't stop talking about. But of course, not to my parents (where we go to celebrate Easter). I guess as she gets older it will become more confusing and she'll probably really know how to push everyone's buttons, but until then we can just laugh.

Feel Free to Judge...

When I first started dating my husband seriously, one of my friends (who is Christian and married to a Jewish man) gave me "The Intermarriage Handbook: A Guide for Jews and Christians." She didn't really tell me much about it, it was more like "oh, you're dating a jew? want this book?" I took it, put it on my bookshelf (behind some books...I wasn't really thinking marriage yet), and promptly forgot about it. And didn't find it again until I was already married. As a side note: This book was first published in 1988 and I believe it's out of print now. At the time, it was the first and only book I had consulted about interfaith marriage and it scared the hell out of me. The first chapter sets the tone with it's title, "Jewish-Christian History: A Legacy of Pain" and it doesn't get any more uplifting from there. I understand that the history of the two religious is relevant, but the author seems to be heavily biased in favor of the Jewish faith. That said, I did pick up a few helpful tips on raising an interfaith child, but I was left with the distinct feeling that the authors did not believe in interfaith marriage or raising a child that way.

A book more helpful and appealing to me is Jim Keen's Inside Intermarriage: A Christian Partner's Perspective on Raising a Jewish Family. A contributor to Interfaithfamily.com, Keen gives his unique perspective on how an interfaith family can not only survive, but thrive. Although we are not raising the LP as in a single faith, I still found this book to be helpful. If anybody has any other suggestions on good books for intermarriages and families, I would love to hear them.

Recipe for Disaster

Does everyone have a hard time competing with their MIL's cooking? I definitely do, but I really wanted to try to show everyone that I could prepare a good Jewish meal even though I'm not Jewish. Bad idea.

I have problems focusing when I cook and I always feel the need to alter the recipe. For some reason, I think I have skills and can question a professional cookbook author--they can't possibly want me to add 2 cups of flour, they must mean 1 cup. And then I'm shocked when the dish turns to crap. Yet, I can't stop myself.

So this was the ultimate in bad judgment...cooking a brisket in a pyrex pan on top of the stove. Horrible! The pan exploded and shattered into a million pieces. Luckily no one was in the kitchen except me and the pooch and both of us were unharmed by the incident. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And I only made it to the browning stage. Next time, I'll try to at least get the stupid thing in the oven. Now that it's getting warmer out, I may have to wait 6 months or so. Aw, too bad. I'll have to start watching Joan Nathan.

Too Cool for School

So the little punk goes to a reform Jewish preschool and they are pretty open-minded about interfaith families. This was very important to me. Even though I am not the Jewish half of the relationship, I am the one who ends up taking on the role of a religious coordinator. My husband's friends joke that I am more Jewish than he is. This is just a long way of saying that I was very involved with choosing LP's school. My husband attended Jewish schools and camps for most of his childhood and thought it was important for our daughter to have a similar experience in a close-knit community. I was game and thought it would be no big deal--LP would learn about Jewish culture and values (most of which are exactly the same as Christian values, in my opinion) at school and we would teach and talk about both religions at home. Neither my husband or I are what I would called "practicing" anything, so it's not as easy as I thought. We typically have a Shabbot dinner on Friday night with friends or family, but we don't really do anything to celebrate the Christian sabbath. And, although we celebrate all the holidays, I can't help feeling sometimes that the Christian ones kind of get the shaft. I mean, we didn't even get a Christmas tree this year. We celebrate at my parents' house, so it wasn't the end of the world, but come on...we had three menorrahs! So, it's something that I sort of struggle with. I definitely want LP to have a solid understanding of both faiths and in some ways this is an easy task because they are so similar (old testament, anyone?), but it gets a little weird after that. Anyway, I'm curious to see if anyone responds to this and has any ideas on how they handle the situation. How do you chart an interfaith future while still holding onto your single-faith past?

(Jewish) Mother Knows Best

Many of my friends are part of interfaith couples and we have all traded stories on our parents (or in-laws) reaction when told that their son or daughter was dating or, god forbid, in love with a person of the [insert religion here] faith. I thought I had heard every version possible, from seriously traumatic to utterly hilarious, until this weekend...

We were at a friend's wedding and my husband's friend F was talking about living in NY and that a lot of people find it interesting that he is Jewish, his wife is Catholic, and his daughters go to a Greek Orthodox school. He was more terrified of telling his parents that his daughters were going to a Greek Orthodox school than he was to tell them that he was getting married in a church! Crazy! So he braced himself and launched into the whole deal with his parents--that private school is expensive, public school wasn't an option, the girls are still learning good morals and values with the GO folks. Her response: "I'm glad to know the girls are still learning the more important lesson of Judaism--the value of a good deal." Classic.

Eavesdropping on Preschoolers...

Little punk's friend (LPF): Let's play dress-up
Little punk (LP): Ok. I get to be the princess
LPF: Ok, but I want the wand.
LP (whining): I can't be a princess without a wand...what can I be?
LPF (after seriously mulling it over, swishes wand): Poof, you're Jewish.

Brilliant.